My fallen friend, a hero.

Sunday evening I got some devastating news. A good friend of mine from high school died while serving our country in Afghanistan.

I met Ken my first day of work at Oro Valley Country Club (OVCC for those of us in the know). Ken was a busser there and he taught me everything I would need to know; from who to avoid, what to do, what not to do, etc. Then I found out **sound the trumpets** this hottie was a drummer. So on top of him being SUPER nice to a complete stranger, he's attractive, single and a drummer...need I say anymore? I was crushing hard on him! Luckily, my crush on him brought us closer together and we became really good friends. It was pretty neat being friends with someone from another high school, I felt like I had so broadened my horizons. When CDO (my high school) played Mt. View (Ken's high school), it was cool to know that he would be there and I could go over and talk to him; that was one of the main reasons I became part of the "Band Council"...so I could go talk to Ken, I know...I'm crazy, but then again, we already knew that.

I remember when he told me he was going to join the Army. I tried so hard to talk him out of it; for purely selfish reasons. I was terrified something like this would happen, and it did. But I know that serving was what he wanted to do, and he loved it.

I haven't spoken to or seen Ken in quite some time. It's been difficult since he went to Germany; but now I'm so sad I didn't try harder. As everyone feels when someone close to them dies, I have so many things I wanted to tell him. I was so excited to be able to see him and Gary this December when he came back and visited AZ. Now, I'm getting ready to fly out to Tucson to spend time with Gary and say goodbye to a great friend who probably never knew how amazing and special I think he was.

If you would like to learn more about my friend, the hero, here are some links to his news stories. There are a few with little red cameras, those have footage of an interview with my friend and Ken's best friend, Gary. Just a warning, tissues may be required.

Friends at Giebelstadt gather to honor sergeant killed in Afghanistan
Mtn. View grad dies in Afghanistan
Mtn. View grad dies in Afghanistan copter crash
Fallen soldier remembered as dedicated man
Afghan crash ended life of aspiring chopper pilot
Local GI killed in Afghanistan 'believed in serving'
Mountain View grad killed in Afghanistan
Tucson-area man dies in Afghanistan
Arizona soldier killed in Afghan copter crash
Afghanistan helicopter crash victims remembered
Tucson Soldier Dies in Afghanistan

Goodbye Ken, you will forever be with me, in my thoughts and in my heart.

ACK! I've been HAZWOPERed!!!

So Friday I finished my week of HAZWOPER (Hazmat) training for work. I learned all kinds of stuff including many different ways to kill others with common household cleaning products (mwa ah ah...). I also realized how much of my chem minor stuck with me. I'm not sure why, but that last lil bit horrifies me...why do I still remember how to draw all those chemicals? Why do I know so much about pH and Acids and Bases? Stupid forced minor!

Anyways, aside from a bruised tailbone, I came away from the training relatively unscathed and now I am safety certified enough to make sure the threatened California Red-Legged Frogs and Tiger Salamanders don't get run over by tractors or fall into holes. What a strange/exciting job I've fallen into!!

Happy $%&ing Anniversary

So...September 14th...4 year anniversary...not a particularly special anniversary, but still an anniversary.

Since I was in Syracuse last weekend, the big plans had to wait for this weekend; and plan I did. I mean, what else was I supposed to do while I was bored out of my mind in "Welcome to the Company" seminars. So I planned this nice romantic hike complete with picnic and a bottle of wine for Saturday. Then I was hoping to maybe squeeze a movie and dinner in also. Ya know, nice enough dinner where I'd have to wear pantyhose, make-up, do my hair because, afterall, it's a special day.

Instead, after chatting completely normally over the phone and IM while I was in Syracuse and Wednesday morning while I was at work, I get in touch with Matt after visiting Charlie and Kevin's lil Cricket. And what does he tell me? That he loves me? That even though he has class till 9pm, he'll stop by for a quick hello before rushing off to bed? No no no, Sam doesn't get that lucky. Her life is WAY to crappy for something like that to happen. Nope, instead, Matt dumps his girlfriend on their 4 year anniversary.

Now, keep in mind that I've been with this guy practically my entire SF Bay Area lifetime. EVERYWHERE I go reminds me of him. I now work in a city that, until getting the new job, I had only been to with him to spend time with him and his family who lives there. Also keep in mind, that my family not only lives in AZ but is TOTALLY $%^#ING CRAZY and completely unreliable. Also, keep in mind that his family is awesome and treats me so nicely; I can't begin to tell you how nice it is to be around "normal" people. So not only have I lost my boyfriend, I've lost my best friend, my emergency contact, and my surrogate family who now has no reason to keep in touch with me.

As you can probably guess, I'm pretty miserable right now and going to work is really difficult, weekends are really difficult, night time and going to sleep are really difficult, driving to and from work is not only really difficult but REALLY dangerous (driving next to concrete barriers down the freeway while sobbing so hysterically that you can hardly see is not very safe), coming home to an empty house is really difficult, sitting through really important training (1st Aid, CPR, OSHA) and retaining what I am learning is really difficult.

Essentially, I'm a wreck. And I know "it'll get better with time" but seriously? As much as I tell that to my friends and people tell it to me, I don't buy it. I have lost any form of stability I had in my life, and as a control freak, it's horrifying and I'm barely holding it together over here. I try to watch TV to at least escape or feel better and the show I'm watching is one he or his family got me hooked into, one he and I watched together. So I say %^$# this and try to read, and my book starts talking about something that makes me think of him. Half of the stuff at work reminds me of him and his dad because EVERYTHING I understand and know about Civil Engineering and soils I learned from them. Earthquakes, bridges, tunnels, BART=him...I'm going batty over here...

I also find myself wondering if he's as miserable as me, though I'm pretty sure he's not. And then I wonder if when he sees things (penguins, saturns, Kohls, something I may have gotten him), if they remind him of me. I mean, he grew up in the bay area, so at least he has other memories he can replace mine with; so that probably doesn't hurt either.

Sigh.

Sorry my first post in so long is a depressing one...but now I've got nothing but time and this is what is going on with me now...so deal.

BTW, this is unedited...essentially a mind dump so I can hope to sleep tonight, if it is completely incoherent, I apologize.